I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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