Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So much Jack, so little girl.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You ever have a fart follow you around?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
