No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
