Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
