I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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