I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
