the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
