You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
