His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
