i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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