Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
