is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How naked do you want me to be?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
