my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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