He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
