i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
