I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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