sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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