Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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