Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
