the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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