Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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