Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
