508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
this just has baby written all over it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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