i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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