i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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