that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i would punch a child for taco bell
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
