Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
