Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
