No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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