she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
