dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
