we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
