If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
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