I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
