I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
