Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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