dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
