just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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