All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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