i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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