he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
