I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I want her autograph on my taint
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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