someone get that fucking seahorse.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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