i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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