Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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