no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
