lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
