i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
