Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
should my penis look like a turkey
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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