I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
